I have a cunning plan. When my kids reach teen age, I am going to start my sleep torture revenge. I will stroll into their rooms at irregular intervals each and every night. Sometimes I will just scream for no apparent reason. Other times I will just creep them out by standing at the foot of their beds until they awake with a start. My favourite will be to just pretend it’s the morning and demand that they play with me. Ha ha ha!
My baby daughter is an evil mastermind. She would be an asset at Guantanamo Bay. I truly believe she could bring ANYONE to their knees, weeping with fatigue.
You’d think, third time round, we might have got it cracked. Erm…no. Each child has been progressively more sleep-proof than the last. During the past four or so years, Me and He have spent more time watching ITV Nightscreen with a baby on our lap than we have cosily spooning in the marital boudoir. Hands Down. No contest.
She was up to her antics again last night. Today was sloooooow going.
A meal then, to match the pace of the day. I’d bought a lovely looking piece of belly pork earlier in the week. I decided on a composite of a few recipes, my main priority is ensuring a 100% crackle on it. Crackling is of high priority in my kitchen. No crackling = fury. Second place is amazing gravy. Bad gravy would also make me furious. Maybe it’s just the sleep deprivation….
I’m not sure Anthony Worrel-Thompson is my kind of fella. Although I must say, I’m slightly more intrigued by him since his recent shoplifting episode. However, since i followed his top tips for good crackling, I’ve had a pretty perfect strike rate.
Score the fat, dry with kitchen roll. Rub table salt into the crevices, then sea salt Over the whole skin. I like salt. Can you tell?
I give it 30mins at full whack, then remove it from the tray. I make a trivet of veg: carrots, celery, garlic, leek, rosemary. Then sit the pork back on top. Add a few slugs of Marsala wine and some stock before returning the whole lot to the oven for 2 hours.
When the time is up, I rest the meat and make the gravy by pouring the meat juice into a pan. I squish the pan veggies through a sieve into the the gravy. Immense. 100% crackling too, you’ll be relieved to hear. Fanks Anthony.
We’ve already had one little night prowler since I started writing. A looong night ahead me’thinks. At least I have the memory of a pretty perfect tea to sustain me. Plus, of course, my plans for the perfect revenge in a few short years. Salty perfection (for me at least) 10/10.