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3rd April: Not Creamy Carbonara

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Have you seen that woman? You know, that one. The one you see out and about. The one that makes you feel better about your life. The one that makes you feel like you’ve got it all sorted. I’ve been looking, nay, scouring for her for years now.

I thought it was funny that everyone else seemed to have seen her but me. I was looking for someone harassed. Most probably unkempt. Possibly about to have an embolism. Someone who had those really lively little shits angels for children.

It finally dawned on me today. It’s me.

When did the truth strike? Was it in the supermarket? When the Fusspot got stuck under some shelving? Was it when I arrived at the checkout and found at least 7 items in the trolley which I hadn’t put there? Was it when the baby got a breadstick stuck up her nose? Or was it when – the smart money’s on this one people – the Fusspot decided to do an al fresco wee on the car wheel and didn’t quite get himself sorted in time. Therefore soaking his clothes and my shoes.

Not so bad? Read on.

I can pinpoint my realisation to the moment when the trolley (containing by this point only the baby and my gin), took off across the carpark. The Big One cheering on its progress as I sprinted after it in pee-soaked boots.

Of course I’m her. I’m just surprised it took me so long to get it. More to the point, why didn’t any of you tell me??

Now that I know, I can start to feel proud of myself. Being this rubbish takes some doing. I am actually providing a public service and deserve thanks from you all. Gin will do. Or a couple of hours babysitting while I do my weekly shop…..

My housekeeping has taken a nosedive. I go to make tea and realise I’ve no milk and 15 eggs. Go figure. Carbonara then, as I do have some bacon and cheese.

This recipe is good. It’s dry and salty, so the boys clearly love it. I fry a couple of whole garlic cloves in butter with some smoked bacon, until the bacon is crispy. Then remove the garlic and throw away. This way you get the essence without the bad breath. Plus I always find babies with garlic breath most alarming.

Meanwhile cook some spaghetti until it’s al dente. Drain but keep the pasta water. Add the cooked spaghetti to the bacon pan (I use my wok) and remove from heat. Mix up some eggs and Parmesan and pour into the the wok. Use tongs to coat the spaghetti, the egg cooks quickly on the hot pasta. If you like it more ‘saucy’, add a bit of the water. Add pepper and some more Parmesan before serving.

I’m off for a gin and a bubble bath. The preparation needed to continue to make you all feel great about yourselves tomorrow. All together now… “thanks Sarah”. 9/10.

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4 responses »

  1. I have a one word answer that will save your life – OCADO.

    Do it all online – let the children pee on all your furniture at home, contain tantrums to the living room, no need to wash your hair, babies can stick whatever they like up their noses without the judgemental looks.

    I was THAT woman for a while. I was convinced that taking my kids to the supermarket was a ‘learning’ experience for them, but what it actually was was a nightmare experience for me and I would invariably end up with little of my list in the boot of the car (and too much gin and too many hot cross buns).

    Reply
  2. Haha! If only I was organised enough to book a slot! By the time I get my arse in gear, the only slot left is in 3 days time. Hence the dreadful outings!! Glad I’m not the only one panic buying gin and carbs 🙂 thanks for reading!

    Reply
    • oh Sarah, how you make me laugh 🙂 I remember those days only too well. One day I’d been through a similar experience with my boys aged 3 and 4…escaped from the supermarket without any of us being lynched, only to return to car and discover I’d locked the keys inside. Add to your experience 3 hours waiting for RAC 😦

      Reply
      • Oh pat that would not be good. Although I did lock my keys and then 1 year old in the car outside my house when heavily pregnant. He was in there for over an hour. Weeping. It was quite a palava. Any good for you?? 🙂

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