I have a new love in my life. It is fast making its way up my league table of affections. I think it may have already pushed some of my distant relatives into the relegation zone. Certainly more useful and less inclined to get hammered and behave like a prat. Although getting hammered and behaving like a prat is one of my top 2 pastimes…
Birthday presents for a stay-home mum are a minefield. I recognise this. What I actually need are things like tea towels and hand soap. If He ever dared buy me those though, he would clearly spend the next 364 days regretting the decision. Skimpy pants and push up bras open a minefield of “so you don’t think I’m attractive anymore??”, plus the obvious weeping when the skimpies don’t fit my arse.
He nailed it yesterday. Some lovely smellies (anti-ageing, but I resisted taking the bait). A pile of pretty, non-slutty pants to rejuvenate my dreadfully outdated knicker drawer. About time. It was full of those “back the hell off mate” big pants that women wear after having a child. Not entirely sure he got that message anyway to be honest (three babies in three years anyone?).
But the best of the bunch is my new love. My electric veg chopper.
I know. I’m tragic.
If you’ve never had a child like my little Fusspot, then you might not see the appeal. I have spent the past nearly 3 years finely chopping vegetables to hide them from his hawklike gaze. He could choke on a grain of sand this child. My new gadget means a meal that might have taken 20 minutes to painstakingly prepare, can now be whizzed in seconds. Oh happy day.
I am so delighted that I think of the meal that will involve most chopping. Spring onion and garlic whizzed up and added to flaked tinned tuna. A slice of bread whizzed up to make breadcrumbs. All rolled together with some grated cheese to make walnut sized balls.
I find myself unable to stop. I whizz up some peppers, celery, carrots and onions and cook for 5mins in some olive oil. Then add some passata and the fish balls. Cook for 10mins and serve with spaghetti (or Bisketti as it is called in our house).
We have a table full tonight. A good friend brings her girls over for a tea date. Sweet. Her oldest girl is the Big One’s dream lady. He is beside himself with excitement that she is here. The fishy balls get a thumbs up from 4 out of the 5 kids. Amazingly the Fusspot is in the majority for a change.
We have a glut of Easter eggs. I melt some down and serve it in little pots with some chopped fruit for dipping.This gets a thumbs up. Obviously.
It’s nice to have a friend over to share the
horror joy of tea time. I must add that this is not one of my friends who is willing to start drinking wine with me at 4.30. Honest. Hic. 8/10.